Would you like a big fat raise? How about a generous severance package? Or even better still, how about an eleven-month retroactive pay increase? Does this all sound to good to be true? Well not if you happen to be an MPP, a departing executive of a crown corporation or the head of the National Capital commission.

Now let's see what do all these positions have in common? Bingo, I've got it: you and I pay the salaries of these folks through our tax dollars.

First let's take a look at the MPP pay issue. You may recall that I wrote about this issue back on July 21st. What do you mean you don't have a copy of my column from that day pinned to the fridge? Okay I'll forgive you. But let's recap quickly from the article.

Yours truly wrote:

"Yes our MPPs are underpaid relative to some of their provincial counterparts … so a slight upward adjustment to their pay packages is in order … annual salary adjustments should be set to an index mechanism to reflect an average of public and private sector provincial wage growth."

" … our reading of Bill 82 doesn't preclude the commissioner from recommending a two-step process: first, no changes to the current structure but after the next election, a new, enhanced pay regime with indexing can take effect."

On Monday, the province's Integrity Commissioner, Justice Gregory T. Evans tabled his report on MPP pay with the speaker's office at Queen's Park. Apparently he read my column and listened intently when we spoke earlier this month.

Justice Evans recommended a 3% annual inflation top-up (retroactive to April 1, 2001) for the remainder of this session of the legislature. Then, only after the next election would MPPs see their salaries jump by 25% from just under $80,000 (in two years) to $100,000 plus.

While the 25% is tough to swallow, given the fact that this hike is pegged to occur after the next election, it can be turned into an election issue. Early indications from the provincial NDP and the unions are that this is exactly what they have in mind. And while the provincial Liberals are supporting the hike today, they have a proclivity to flip flop once votes are on the line.

A month before the 1999 provincial election, Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty was steadfastly opposed to taxpayer protection (submitting tax hikes to a referendum for approval) and balanced budget legislation. But in May 1999, there was Mr. McGuinty signing a "taxpayer protection" pledge similar to the CTF convinced Mike Harris to sign in 1995 … in support of taxpayer protection and balanced budget legislation.

Don't get me wrong, it was the right thing for Mr. McGuinty to do. He has shown himself to be flexible in the past. As a student of his in a course he taught at Carleton in the late 80s I believe I convinced to change a grade on a paper for me … although I can't remember if it went up or down.

All to say is that Mr. Evans has tabled a sensible report and taxpayers will have a chance to speak on the 25% pay hike come the next provincial campaign.

But on the federal front, taxpayers haven't been so lucky. And we're not going to resurrect the MP pay debate, it would only cause ulcers.

This time we speak of Jean Carle, former director of operations in the Prime Minister's office (fingered by Justice Ted Hughes for political interference in the whole APEC fiasco) and now departing vice-president of the federally funded business development bank (BDC)

It seems as though Mr. Carle inked himself a pretty good farewell clause. Even though he is voluntarily leaving the BDC to take an executive position with Montreal's Just for Laughs festival (fill in your own taxpayer abuses punch line please), Mr. Carle is leaving with one year's salary worth about $150,000, a $1,000 month car allowance and $3,500 to cover his membership fee at a posh Montreal golf club.

Hmm, when ordinary Canadians quit their job voluntarily, they're lucky if they can take any banked vacation pay with them. And they're certainly not entitled to EI benefits. But then again , it seems there is one set of rules for ordinary folk and another set for the well-connected mandarin set.

For proof of this again, we need look no further than our own NCC where it has been revealed through an Access to Information request that NCC chair, Marcel Beaudry, received (or will be receiving) a retroactive pay hike back to April 2000 to the tune of some $10,000 dollars or more.

But I'm past being upset about this state of affairs now … I think a new strategy should be employed. Since it appears that the Liberals will be governing until I'm old enough to collect CPP (in 31 years) which probably won't be there for my generation anyways, it's time to get on the federal patronage list so I can ink sweetheart exit deals or have a private, closed door board of a very public agency retroactively hike my pay.

Just one question remains: where do I sign up?